Whataya You Want From Me?

 Whataya You Want From Me?

This is the question I want my cancer to answer. We (hubby and I) feel like its two steps forward, two steps back. Progress is hard to see. I think it's there ... I have to believe it's there ... but it's hard to find sometimes. Am I upset? Angry? No, just frustrated. It's time for a win. 😞

I posted on Facebook last week that tumor markers are up again - to 54 this time - and that we are moving up my PET from December 18 to December 3.Results are in. Drum roll, please! Yes! We have progression! Whee!! Here is a snapshot of the results:

Is the news really bad? No. But it isn't great. In a nutshell, we have new tumors in the lymph nodes, many are too small to measure. They did list three and I included them above and labeled them as new. Many of my existing lymph node tumors increased in metabolic activity; one tumor increased in metabolic activity but decreased in size. That's a wash in my book but I included it with red font. The liver is stable, which is good; of the three lesions on my liver, two decreased in activity while one increased. BTW - I didn't know I had three in my liver; apparently #3 showed up in the last scan and I spaced right over it. They saw "something" in my lungs last time, but it's gone now; scarring is there but other than that the lungs are clear. This little sucker comes and goes every other PET. I should count my blessings.

So now what? We change treatments .... again! Welcome to treatment #4 - Gemcitabine or Gemzar for short. I start the new chemo on Thursday. Each cycle is three weeks on, one week off. Rinse and repeat. We will do another PET after cycle 2. This is another infusion. I've asked that they keep the steroids down to 2; I don't want to go back to eating everything not nailed down and walk around like a beached whale, with my clothes bursting at the seams with every step .... just one step away from an embarrassing rip in the clothes. Thank God I worked from home while they adjusted the steroids. I can at least wear most of my clothes again.

Side effects? The normal cast of characters: low red and white blood cell counts, fatigue, nausea or vomiting, mouth sores, diarrhea, and hair loss. We get to add in a few more possible side effects: decreased plateletes and risk of bleeding, fluid retention, and rash or itchy skin (can't wait for this one .... NOT). 

Some uncommon but serious side effects include: 

• Capillary leak syndrome (fluids and proteins leak out of your blood)
• Liver problems - we will keep a close eye on my enzymes
• Lung issues - shortness of breath, difficulty breathing

I pray that I can retain my Chemo Queen title and crown!

I met with the PA on Friday; I wasn't scheduled to meet with Dr. Kocs. They offered a telemed visit, for which I initially declined. But after thinking about it some more, I think I will ask they schedule this. Hubby and I have questions regarding my care to date, long term care, is this normal, etc.

I'm okay. We're okay. I feel good ... just frustrated.