How Did We Get Here?

To my kids: By the time you read this, I have spoken to each of you about diagnosis and treatment. I wanted to spare you the angst of going from test to test, misinformation, inaccurate suppositions, etc. As you know from the earlier breast cancer experience 6 years ago, this is the hardest part and the biggest roller coaster. I hope you forgive me for shielding you from that drama. We have proven in the past that when things are tough, we rally, we stick together, we support each other. I know from experience each of you will deal with this news differently. I also know you will lean on each other and keep a brave face for me. And I'll try to keep a brave face for you. Dad will have the bravest face of all. Funny how that works. Lean on each other! It's okay to worry. I love you all to the moon and back ... times infinity as my grandbabies will say. We got this! 

Now, on to my first official blog post for this journey!

Cast of Characters:

Dr. Zook - Primary care; Dr. Dhruva - ENT; Dr. Kocs - Oncologist

In late July, my left arm started swelling. I called my oncologist, Dr. Kocs. He ordered an ultrasound to make sure it wasn't a blood clot. Negative on the blood clot. I head in to see his PA. Diagnosed with lymphedema. Orders for physical therapy but takes weeks to get in. Finally see the physical therapist in early Sept. She wraps my arm. I look like the Michelin man. This new situation prompted me to whack off most of my hair to make getting gorgeous easier for a one-armed woman. With my hair gone and my neck exposed, I noticed I had some major swollen glands. I was also fighting allergies so equated the glands to my allergy/cold issue. After a week, they still didn't go down. A fat neck is not a good look for me so back to Dr. Zook I go. Dr. Zook does NOT like what he feels. He orders a mono test, an ultrsound on my neck and throat, and sends me to an ENT. Enter Dr. Dhruva. Let the diagnosis drama begin!

Dates are blurring together, so I'm just going to outline events as they happen.

I get the ultrasound done; Dr. Zook calls me literally 30 minutes after I get home and says results are not alarming but Dr. Dhruva will probably want to do his own. I see Dr. Dhruva the next day. Sure enough, he does his own ultrasound. Although on the surface things are okay, like Dr. Zook, he doesn't like what he feels. Next step, CT scan.

CT scan done, hear from Dr. Dhruva next day. CT results are ugly. They see a mass that appears to involve several structures: muscle, jugular vein, lymph nodes. And it's deep, closer to the throat than is obvious. Another trip to Dr. Dhruva scheduled for fine needle biopsy. On my way home from work after CT results, i get a call from Dr. Kocs (I rarely get a call directly from Dr. Kocs; that should tell you something). He is also concerned. Both Dr. Kocs and Dr. Dhruva describe the mass as weird. 

After the biopsy, Dr. Dhruva call with results the next day, not the 3 to 5 days he was expecting. The fine needle biopsy rules out breast cancer recurrence, minimizes the odds of thyroid cancer recurrence (dang ... was hoping for this one - glow in the dark treatment for 3 to 5 days; annual scan; that's it). So far no sign of cancer. But the mass!! The bus driver changes to Dr. Kocs. 

Dr. Kocs and Dr. Dhruva both agree that full body CT scan followed by CT guided core biopsy are in order. Fortunately they can both be done during the same appointment. This little trip was drama all by itself, to the point where they had to give me Xanax before we were finished. Let's just say that everything that was suppose to happen changed, including the entrance I was directed to go to. Not good for a PM heading to something that can be life altering.

True to form, results are in quickly. Dr. Kocs calls me Friday afternoon with the news: breast cancer recurrence. What? What? I thought we had ruled it out? Everyone was thinking lymphoma! Which you may think is bad enough, but compared to a BC recurrence, it's a cake walk. Sigh ….

Mike and I call the kids, one at a time, to tell them the news. This is the part I dreaded most of all. Notified extended family and friends via facebook, not the nitty gritty, just the bare bones: It's Back! Needless to say, this past weekend was a mixture of anger, tears, fears .... and then peace