Let me tell you a little about my friend. He's young, athletic, competitive, lives life to the fullest, funny, smart, loyal, one of the nicest people I've ever had the pleasure to know. He has a young son that is his heart and soul. He is married to his best friend. He has a very large, supportive family and tons of friends, including many from the softball and corn hole communities (he is a nationally ranked corn hole player - he's very good). He is a fighter! If anyone has a fighting chance to beat this thing, its him!
We became quick friends and allies. I trust him to always have my back and I will always have his.
When I was first diagnosed with MBC, he was one of the first to offer his support. He even had pink corn hole bags made in my honor. Let me tell you, the pink bags win more often than not. Go Pink!
He was also in the process of re-designing sports jerseys with the pink breast cancer ribbon in my honor. Note on this one: this guy has a knack of not only putting together winning softball and corn hole teams, but marketing himself and his teams, obtaining sponsors to help with tournament fees and expenses, and earning the respect of competitors and team mates alike along the way. That's a talent, folks!
My friend and I share insomnia. When he IM'd me around 11 PM two weeks ago to tell me they found cancer, I was devastated. Now we share something else, metastatic cancer. My friend and I always felt we had a special bond and now I know why God put him in my life and me in his.....so we can help each other through our new normal in a way that no one else can.
As much as I hate that we now have metastatic cancer in common, it is also nice to have someone I adore intimately know what it's like to have a catastrophic disease. I can have conversations with him that I can only have with a handful of others; I know that he gets it from a different perspective:
- Testing and the angst waiting on results can bring
- Quality of life over quantity
- The need to chose happy
- The need to be "normal" as much as possible
- The need to maintain a high level of confidence in our work
- The need to be aggressive about your health care
- Determining the best way to communicate to friends, family, and children
- It's okay to be mad, sad, cuss, cry, scream ... then get down to business to kick cancer to the curb
- It's all a façade
Although I have MBC, I am now entering new territory in being a friend of someone with metastatic \cancer. I've realized this brings out the Mama Bear in me for those newly diagnosed. I want to protect him. I want to help him. I want to scream at doctors not moving fast enough. I want to provide advice based on my experiences. I want to give him space. So I am playing it by ear. The last thing I want to be is an over bearing, nosy, pushy, bossy Mama Bear!
I also want to be his chemo buddy, his chemo dance party partner. Let's wear matching Hoo Rags or caps. What about a pink wig at the next project status meeting? Will they be able to tell us apart? I want both of us to flip off cancer all day/every day. And if there is a day where my flipping finger just isn't as tough, I want him to double flip off cancer, just as I will pick up the slack for him when his flipping finger needs a break. I want us to beat this thing together! I want to be his cheerleader, just as he wants to be mine.
I want to give kudos to my hubby. I have been telling him about my friend and even asked what advice he can give him from a spouse/man perspective. I passed on his words of wisdom. When I heard the latest diagnosis I broke down and cried. Hubby was there to hold me and support me in wanting to do what I could to make it go away. I am a very lucky woman.
On a final note, I mentioned earlier that my friend has a tremendous support group. His sports friends are rallying to help by holding fund raisers, donating all proceeds to my friend and his family. One friend even opened a "GoFundMe" page to help. I will post information on how you can help if you are so inclined, but only with the express permission from my friend. If nothing else, please pray for all patients with some from of metastatic cancer. And believe in miracles!
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