Coming Home to Roost

My youngest birdie is returning to the nest! Matthew presents his dissertation in March, then finishes teaching the end of April. His apartment lease is up April 23rd. Although he is interviewing, any job he gets won't start until August or September. So he will be moving back home the end of April until he heads out to his new job, wherever that may be (we should know before summer).

We talk tomorrow to discuss logistics. Then I will spend the next couple of months moving my "Christmas closet" to the other spare bedroom closet so Matthew can have his closet back. Although we will get on each others nerves periodically, I am looking forward to him coming home for a bit before he starts the next chapter of his life. Maybe Dad and I can sneak away for a long weekend for our 30th anniversary and Matt can watch Sam?

Sam will have Sadie to hang with for a bit. We will probably enroll Sadie in Wednesday doggie day care with Sam. She loved it the last time she was here to visit.

Anyway, temporary changes coming to the Bishop house soon!

Chemo #16 + Insurance Fun

Once again, my blood levels are strong, or "perfect" as Hannah calls it. Chemo is definitely a non-event for me these days. No lasting side effects, no neuropathy, nothing. The doctor and PAs remain amazed at how well I am handling this chemo. Few handle this chemo as well as I am, especially this far along. I count my blessings! I am sure my time is coming, but for now, I am happy and feeling good!

No dancing time this round. They got my drug cocktail before I had a chance to dance! There is always next week. Anyway, another uneventful day at chemo.

After get up from my post chemo nap (the Benadryl), I open the mail and find out the insurance company denied the PET scan I have scheduled for 2/3. They want us to do a CT scan first. And get this, they are denying scanning the pelvic area in the CT. I called the third party that makes these decisions. My doctor's office is already filing an appeal. I called the doctor's office and told them I am filing an appeal as well with the insurance company. I am beyond irritated about this. I think I spent at least 2 hours on the phone Friday late afternoon voicing my displeasure. My argument is that the PET provides the same information as the CT, plus more … like if the cancer has spread anywhere, the concentration of the cancer (is the tumor dying?), etc. CT can't show that. I also voiced displeasure about having to take off two separate days. If they insist on the CT, which I still deem unnecessary, the let me do the CT and the PET at the same time so I don't have to take off more time from work. Plus, this will still provide the doctors the information they need to decide if we stay the course on Taxol or do we move on to something else, without me having to skip a chemo session. I don't want to give the cancer a chance to make a comeback while the insurance company decides what test I can have. I told them they need to make a definitive decision because this is something I will need probably every two to three months …. and I don't want to have this discussion every two to three months. 

In speaking with the insurance company, they only know I have metastatic breast cancer. They don't understand I have a tumor that is partially encasing my carotid artery … and this is something I will need to monitor the rest of my life. The location is what makes it dangerous and is what makes ongoing monitoring a must. I insisted they add this information to my file so we don't have to keep justifying tests necessary to monitor progress.

Frustrating is an understatement. I will be speaking to Dr. Koc's office again on Monday. I don't want to interfere in what they are doing, but to add pressure so we both get what we want. Hopefully, we will have an answer mid-week at the latest.

I am still debating on whether to file paperwork with IRO and possibly a complaint with the Texas Department of Insurance (my employer). 

Friday afternoon was rough. I was near tears. I don't need the added stress of having to deal with this. Thankfully, I am healthy enough to fight that battle. That may not always be the case. I want to make sure they know who I am, my medical condition, and overall treatment plan so I don't have to repeat myself every couple of months.  

I will get over this hurdle. It just irritates me. It's bad enough to have a terminal disease where they can't give me a prognosis, other than I'd be dead in 8 months or less if I did nothing, without having to fight the insurance company for the testing and treatment I need to fight this battle. 

Sigh .... this too shall pass. Praying for patience and peace.

A Cure For ALL Cancer?

This looks promising!  Hope I can hang around long enough to try it.

Immune Discovery May Treat All Cancer

What have they found?

Our immune system is our body's natural defence against infection, but it also attacks cancerous cells.

The scientists were looking for "unconventional" and previously undiscovered ways the immune system naturally attacks tumours.

What they found was a T-cell inside people's blood. This is an immune cell that can scan the body to assess whether there is a threat that needs to be eliminated.

The difference is this one could attack a wide range of cancers.

"There's a chance here to treat every patient," researcher Prof Andrew Sewell told the BBC.

He added: "Previously nobody believed this could be possible.

"It raises the prospect of a 'one-size-fits-all' cancer treatment, a single type of T-cell that could be capable of destroying many different types of cancers across the population."

To read the full article, here is the link:

Immune discovery may treat all cancer

I Want to Dog

Sounds like a great plan for the day! I think I will adopt "I want to dog" as one of my new favorite sayings! Especially if snacks are involved!!

Sam's Winter Hat

See Sam. Sam got a Winter Hat in his Barkbox yesterday. We made him try on his hat. Doesn't Sam look cute?

 See Sam again. The hat did not stay on long. Sam does not like hats.

See Sam trying to destroy his new hat.

Sam's new hat is also a toy. It has a squeaker in it. Sam carries his hat around in his mouth and squeaks it, but the hat remains intact. Poppy and I are shocked the hat is still alive. Maybe Sam likes his hat after all.

Kickin' It Like a Boss!

Chemo #15 in the history books. Once again, blood levels are great …. oh wait, my hemoglobin was one measurement higher than it should be. Hannah's take? Pfft!! They are still stellar in her eyes. The docs remain amazed that I am doing so well on Taxol. Let's hope this trend continues for another 9 rounds. So far, I am kickin' cancer like a boss!! I am feeling like a bad ass cancer kickin' warrior of love!

I'm even impressed with myself!  Okay girl, knock it off and stay humble. I am blessed.

There was a young girl next to me today. By young, I am guessing early 30's. She has already had several rounds of AC, which is a bad mamma-jamma cancer killer I'm told. Now on to Taxol which should be easier for her to tolerate. My only advice, cuz she has been through a rough patch with that AC, was to get the ice packs for hands and feet to fend of neuropathy. I recommended she wear socks on her hands. But, she is managing the ice packs with no cover. Now, THAT is kickin' it like a boss!!
It always breaks my heart when I see the young ones. So much life ahead of them. I pray she will kick this beast and live years to tell about it.

Cathy is back for a visit! Always great to have her here. We still have lots in the freezer so massive cooking is not in the cards. That being said, she introduced Mike and I to Pho. Now, I know those that already know Pho are thinking "get with the program!". They are right! It was great! I need to get the base recipe for the sauce and see if I can add it to my limited arsenal of comfort foods. Cathy also made some grilled chicken to eat by itself or add to the Pho. We will do both. Later today, its another quiche for me. Love my quiche.

One of Cathy's sage pieces of advice in her first visit was to keep moving. I have taken that advice to heart and think it may be one of the reasons I am doing so well. There are days I just don't want to walk Sam (too cold, too wet), and I've succumbed to that negative impulse periodically. But no more. I am pushing those thoughts aside and walking, rain, shine, warm, cold. My friend Tanima and I walk at lunch when we are both in the office, averaging about 8000 steps. I don't walk as fast as I use to but I am still moving, doing things, living life.

Cathy and I are going to a loop yarn class at Joann's today. Guess I should have done that before making a blanket for my friend, Mark. Sorry, Mark! I think the blanket turned out relatively well, especially for my first attempt. But truth be told, the final stitching didn't look anything like the picture. Oops! I will make you another one, Mark!

Tomorrow I am hooking up with my breast cancer group for brunch. This is a group of women I met on Breastcancer.org. We are all ages, all stages in the Hill Country area. Sometimes there are only two or three of us hooking up, sometimes we have a larger group. It just depends on what's happening in everyone's life. Regardless, these ladies are amazing and a great support group. Jen is the ringleader and keeps us all connected. You've heard me talk about Jen multiple times. She's the one that got me my "Fuck Cancer" tea cup and saucer, which I love!

My brother, Boady, is coming in for a visit on Thursday for the weekend. He needs to check up on his baby sister and make sure I'm not just putting on a happy face in my blog. I assure all of you I am keeping it real. I feel GREAT! So, so blessed. God is good! Boady warned me that he will cook but he doesn't cook healthy … he cooks the good stuff! LOL!! See? My family knows I am not known for my culinary skills!

I am signed up to play in a volleyball tournament fundraiser next Sunday for my friend with pancreatic cancer - don't hate, I used to play competitive volleyball several days a week. Who cares if I was 20 years younger. The tournament director is putting together teams based on if you can get the ball over the net or not, so no high expectations. I don't have the arm strength for my killer overhand serve anymore, but I can ALWAYS get the ball over the net.

In  early February, I am going to one of two head wrap demonstrations with my ex-boss and friend, Maryloretta. We are deciding which of the two to go too. They are in the same week, just different days. I am leaning toward the African head wraps cuz the fabrics are absolutely beautiful. The bookshop sponsoring the event is an independent women owned shop. They have a nice restaurant in the store, so we will make it a dinner and demonstration night. Can't wait!

I need to schedule some grandbaby time, one for Hazel so I can concentrate on just her and one for my boys. Probably different weekends, cuz the boys go to their Dad's most weekends. I need to steal them from Nicole on one of her weekends.

No moss growing under this old gal's feet! Living my best life every day.

Another Brick In the Wall

Chemo #14 in the books. This is getting to be routine, my new normal. Hence the title, "another brick in the wall" from Pink Floyd. In the first of the 3-part song, the first time it is referenced, the line "its just another brick in the wall" indicates the event happens all the time,  indiscernible from any other like it. This is my point citing this line. To be fair, as the song progresses, the line takes on other meanings, more adversarial. Regardless, this is one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs. Take a listen:

Another Brick In the Wall from Pink Floyd

After Mike and I checked in, I head back to the infusion room to get blood drawn before we visit with the PA and then start chemo. We were the first ones in the infusion room today! I asked where all the customers were. The nurses thought I was a little cray cray for referring to cancer patients as customers. They just shake their head at me.

Again, we are relegated to the back room today. Also empty, sans nurses, when we get there. Blood drawn, head to wait to be called back to see Hannah. Once again, Hannah tells me by blood levels are perfect. I'll never get tired of hearing that. I know one day I will, but not today. I asked Hannah if I was on chemo light cuz I can't believe my body is handling Taxol so well. She agreed everyone is happily surprised, but she assured me I am on the big boy dose. Well, that settles that! Something to be grateful for - Thank you, God!!

Remember we talked about my nagging cedar fever cough from last week? Well, this morning I am coughing up stuff that has some color to it, a sign Hannah asked that we look for and tell her about. I did. We both agreed that we need to get in front of this, especially with cedar being out of control right now. Hannah ordered me a Z-Pack. I picked it up from the in-house pharmacy before I left. How cool, and convenient, is that? So now I am on anti-biotics. I am feeling better already; probably all in my head but I'm okay with that.

Back to the infusion room. I have time to dance while waiting for meds. On the dance list today, a little of everything:

Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond - you have to sing along!!
Chain of Fools - Aretha Franklin - gotta have some Aretha!!
Bang Bang - Jesse J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj - something more current
I'm All Right - Kenny Loggins - love him!!
How Great Thou Art - Stic Yard - I LOVE this! My daily inspiration!
The Prayer - Celine and Josh Groban - Didn't dance, but another song I listen to frequently

Here come my meds! Dance party over! I found out something interesting about my nurse. She used to be a competitive ballroom dancer. She used to teach dance, including Salsa! I told her she needed to teach my Salsa, just the basic rhythm. She smiles and says its been a long time. Maybe I can work on her. How cool is that, though!

Administering the meds goes as planned. I get the Benadryl and lights out for a few minutes. Then the steroids, and now, the big boy - Taxol!! If you have been reading my blog, you know I ice my hands and feet during Taxol to avoid neuropathy (so far its working!). I finally had Michael take a picture. I have on two pairs of socks on both my hands and feet... and they are still cold. In the picture, you see a blanket on my lap. Trust me, when the pic was done, the blanket goes up to my chin with a request for a second blanket. IT WAS COLD IN THERE!! An hour later, Taxol done, ice packs off, IV taken out, and we're free to go. Until next week ...

Live ....

Voldemort Hard to Evict

Chemo day on Friday. Whoop! Party!!  We met with the PA on Friday.  Once again. blood levels are great! I did have some questions for Hannah this time:

1. What can I take for my congestion from allergies? Who drives the bus on normal "illness"? I can take Mucinex or Mucinex D if I want. Dr. Kocs is still driving the bus. I call them only if what I am coughing up is changing color to indicate we are getting infected. So far so good on that front, but the coughing is driving me nuts. I feel like I always have something stuck in my throat. 
2. I go ahead and schedule my other regular doctor appointments, specifically my eye doctor and my bone guy. I will get those scheduled for early February since I am out already for my PET. May as well make it a doctor day.
3. Once we kill the cancer, will we still need to watch "Voldemort"?  YES!

What What!?  Voldemort is still a crap shoot and we will be in wait and see mode for quite a while now. Even if …. when …. we kill the cancer, we still have to be diligent and make sure Voldemort doesn't rear his ugly head again. Just because we kill the cancer does not mean that lymph node automatically extricates itself from my carotid artery. Radiation may be an option later. It may not, because of the location. Some other localized treatment? Possible, possibly not. Again, location, location, location.

The big question is how do we monitor this? Voldemort is hiding deep so we can't see or feel him, we just know he's there. He doesn't have his own set of symptoms, so no help there. PET or CT every three months? I think there is only so much radiation a body can take, even for these tests.

Needless to say, this news bummed me out. Pissed me off, really! Who does he think he is, just moving into my life and doing what he wants, when he wants, where he wants?  Asshole!!

We are still taking things a few weeks at a time. Now we are on an eight-week schedule and not just a four week schedule. That's improvement. I have less than a month away for my next PET. That date can't come soon enough. I want to see where we are and make sure the chemo is still working. I know one of these days, hoping years down the road, the meds won't work anymore. 

Until then, we dance!

“Every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance.”
― Oprah Winfrey

An Inspiring Read

I saw this post in my Facebook newsfeed earlier today and I am totally inspired by Julie's story. I have followed her for years and know some of the crazy things she's been through, including telling ER docs how to treat her because they didn't know how. Scary, right? Anyway, Julie has been through hell and back over the past eight years and has come out on the other side. I am sharing this with her permission. I hope you find it as inspiring as I do! And as Julie says, don't waste a minute. Live!!

From Julie Pousson Facebook post, January 1, 2020:

HEALTH UPDATE:

For 8 years (2010-2018), I struggled to survive illness. When I moved from Texas to New York last year, I took with me a hard copy of my medical ...records. And I looked through them. Below are some numbers that blew me away.

I spent 4 years unable to walk more than a few steps unaided. More than 3 years surviving almost solely on Ensure and Sprite. A combined 3 weeks in the ICU/ACE Units, 7 weeks in a step-down or med/surg unit, 4 weeks in the telemetry unit, and 2 months in a nursing home. I have gone into, and come back out of, hospice.

I have been told that my kidneys might last 2 years (in 2013), and that I may not survive the day (sepsis and kidney failure, 2012, and brain bleed, 2015).

In early 2018. my docs and I finally got some control over the Addison's disease, which had been setting off lupus attacks. During the previous years, I didn't spend an uninterrupted 3 months out of the hospital, not even once. And here I was, getting stronger every day.

Now, I have a relatively normal life. It's been weird as all hell realizing that I am not (definitely) going to die soon, and even weirder re-entering the world of the well. For 8 years, nearly all of my personal contact had been with medical professionals, or with family gathered at my bedside.

Lazarus comes to mind.

The last time I spent the night in a hospital for these illnesses was in February-March, 2018. And aside from the intentional fire that sent me to the ER a month ago in NY, I have not even been in an ER in more than a year.

I still get sick, and sometimes it's bad. Some medications can be as crappy as the sickness. But my life is pretty ordinary now. And that is extraordinary.

I'm here to tell you that there is a strength inside of all of us that's so much bigger than we know. And there is immense power in just getting through this moment, this breath.

Beloved friends and family: Don't let anyone put an expiration date on you. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do what you love ever again. And don't waste a minute! LIVE!!!

Happy New Year 2020! I love you!