The End of the Road
All -
Vicki Jo Bishop passed away on February 25, 2022 after a multi-year battle with metastatic breast cancer.
She was surrounded by family and passed peacefully at home. The memorial service was a family service as she wished.
Thank you all for reading, for your support, and for caring for each other. Please keep the fight against cancer going.
We will leave her blog online for the time being.
New Day by Alicia Keys I do not own the rights to this music.
I picked this title for the content, not necessarily the song. But you can rarely go wrong with Alicia Keys :)
New chemo, new day. Here's the skinney:
The new common name of the chemo is Trodelvy. The most common side effects are:
Diarrhea or loose stools
Nausea or vomiting
Anorexia or Appetite Losess
Constipation
Alaopecia or Hair Loss
Low White Blood Cell Count
TRODELVY® (sacituzumab govitecan-hziy) is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with triple-negative breast cancer (negative for estrogen and progesterone hormone receptors and HER2) that has spread to other parts of the body (metastatic) or cannot be removed by surgery, and who have received two or more prior treatments, including at least one treatment for metastatic disease.
My first treatment was a brutal day. I had to be there by 9:30 to get checked in, then off for labs. That was the first hiccup. My port had not been accessed in months so it took a blood clot remover to draw blood from it. That took about 40 minutes. Then wait on lab results (another 40 minutes), then the pharmacy (another 20 minutes or so), then we start the 3-hour infusion, only after they inject me with 5 pre-chemo meds to help with tolerance. Bottom line, I wasn't out of there until about 3:30. Ugh! The bad thing was halfway through the infusion, I started to feel nauseas. I fought through it and didn't get sick but I will ask if they can up the short term anti-nausea premeds next week.
I was exhausted and fought nausea on and off all night. Some of it was chemo related but most was excess mucus related. Damn cancer!!
However, I continue to gain stamina and strength every day. I no longer spend most of the day napping. Yay! Hope the chemo works!!
Keep prayers coming!
Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Best Day of My Life - American Authors I do not own the rights to this music or this picture
The doctor posted my PET results this afternoon. This is a BIG DEAL! I am usually sending him messages by Wednesday, begging that he load the PET results, promising him I won't fall apart or repeat call his office for an explanation. Basically, I wanted them so that Mike and I have a chance to digest the results, fall apart for a few minutes, then pick ourselves back up and start making a list of questions for a Friday appointment. So to have the results loaded within 24-hours of the scan is not something we've experienced ... because the results have not been good. To top it off, tumor marker results were loaded, too. Shut the front door! My doc is on a roll!!
Two tumor markers went down, one went up a little. Still not bad for an "off week". We will check tumor markers again in two weeks. Here is were we are now:
CEA 3.2 Down 61%
CA-15-3 183.8 Down 64%
CA-27-29 Down 50%
The CA15-3 is up slightly and the CA27-29 is down slightly. They cancel each other out.
Now for the PET. We have decrease across the board, no new lesions, nothing ... I repeat, nothing ... showed any progression. Here are the details:
FINDINGS:
CHEST:
Lungs: Stable biapical pleural parenchymal scarring.
Pleura: No pleural effusion, pleural mass, or pneumothorax is noted. No abnormal FDG activity is seen in the pleura.
ABDOMEN AND PELVIS:
Liver: Positive treatment response of hepatic metastases. Index lesions are detailed below:
* Segment 2 mass; SUV max 8.6; previously 21.2.
* Segment 4/5 lesion; SUV max 7.4; previously 14.8.
Kidneys: Chronic atrophy of the left kidney.
Lymph Nodes: Positive treatment response of lymph node metastases above and below the diaphragm. Index
lesions are detailed below:
* Left supraclavicular lymph node; 20 x 15 mm, previously 23 x 23 mm; SUV max 8.4, previously 13.4. - This is the one I can feel; we named him Voldemort.
* Subcarinal; 11 x 6 mm, previously 12 x 8 mm; SUV max 5.6, previously 7.5.
* Portacaval lymph node; 19 x 15 mm, previously 27 x 15 mm; SUV max 7.4, previously 22.9.
Bones and Soft Tissues: Positive treatment response of osseous metastases. Index lesions are detailed below:
* Right lateral fourth rib; SUV max 8.0; previously 9.6.
* Left posterior acetabular lesion; SUV max 5.9; previously 16.3.
* Left mid iliac bone lesion; SUV max 3.3; previously SUV max 6.2.
*Multilevel degenerative changes of the spine.
PET/CT
IMPRESSION:
1. Positive treatment response of lymph node metastases above and below the diaphragm.
2. Positive treatment response of hepatic metastases.
3. Positive treatment response of osseous metastases.
4. Brain metastases noted on prior MRI not well depicted with PET/CT. They can't see the brain mets!!
Pink Song by Dolly Parton I do not own the rights to this music or this picture.
As we wrap up Breast Cancer Awareness month, I had to choose this song and picture. Please listen to this song; it really depicts what all breast cancer patients go through. Definitely one of my inspiration songs going forward. Thanks to Courtney Murphy for finding this song and sharing with me. Love, love, love!
I had the honor of speaking about my journey with MBC to Convergint, an international security integration company that celebrates and raises money for Breast Cancer Awareness every October. Convergint Colleagues Honor Breast Cancer Awareness Month
To be honest, I was invited to speak because my sister works for Convergint; she is on a committee to plan and coordinate breast cancer events. It isn't as if I was sought out. I met with members of the team and then we did a trial run before the actual interview.
Convergint has a professional team that produces many videos for the company. They kept me on track and made me look good! I am so blessed to have the opportunity to work with these talented people!
Convergint was kind enough to allow me to share the interview on my blog. The actual interview is too big to load here, so I created a YouTube channel to house this video in a secure environment. Viewers can only watch the video through the link to my channel. My MBC Journey
The video is just under an hour. My goal was to educate and inspire. I hope I reached that goal. Please take time to watch.
Thanks in advance for your support!
Joyful Joyful from Sister Act 2 I do not own the rights to this music nor do I own the rights to the picture below
I picked this song because I experienced sheer unbridle joy this week. The song is catchy, upbeat, and a joy to listen to! Check it out!
The picture on the left depicts my general overall demeanor. Lord knows I've had some struggles with this cancer but I am not done yet, not even close, peeling feet and all.
What brought on this "sheer unbridled joy"? Well, there are two things:
Tumor markers are down.
I "heard" from my friend, Mark Rubio, when I needed it most.
Details?
I will start with the tumor markers.
If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you know my tumor markers behave like a roller coaster, up one month then down the next. However, we have had far more ups than downs..... until now. My tumor markers have decreased by 50% or more in the last month! That's remarkable! Everyone is excited, my doctors especially. So much so that they called me Monday morning. They NEVER call me about tumor markers unless I've left them a message.
Here is how that went down. My brother, sister-in-law, and sister all came in from out of town to watch me give an interview for Breast Cancer Awareness month for my other sister's company, Convergint, scheduled for Monday AM. About 30 minutes before the live interview, I get a call from my doctor about my tumor markers. I lost it! I could barely speak without crying; we all cried. Then I tried to reach my sister at Convergint to tell her the news as well, as she also has a role in the interview. I didn't want her to hear it during the call, but before the call, so she could recover if her reaction mirrored ours. It did. This seems like a trivial thing, but let me put it into perspective. For months, my tumor markers have been on the rise at an alarming rate. Here is a table showing the all time high from 9/10 to present:
They are still high, especially the CA27-29. We have seen tumor markers decrease before, but never this much in such a short period of time. This tells us that my current treatment is working, and maybe, just maybe, I can look farther than 6 months ahead. Honestly, I felt this treatment HAD to work or I may not see Christmas. Now I know I will see Christmas and hopefully several more! I have a PET on Monday that will give us a better picture. I have high hopes for this PET, but I am prepared that it may still be less than stellar. Prayer warriors unite!!
My second joyful event in one week was "hearing" from my friend Mark. My computer keyboard had been acting up for a couple of weeks. Our technical guys decided it would be best to just replace it because it will only get worse over time. So I go in Friday morning to test and pick up the new laptop. While I was there, I decided to go ahead and clean out my desk and bring home all my personal stuff. I brought home a ton several months ago, so I was amazed at how much I still had. I filled up an entire box! Sorry for the detour. Anyway, while I was cleaning out my cube, I noticed a small gift bag next to my phone. I looked at it and it said "From: Rubio". Inside was a pair of earrings in the shape of the breast cancer ribbon. This took me to the floor!
Some background. Mark and I worked together. He sat in the cube behind me. He was one of the kindest, most upbeat humans I know. We became fast friends. When I was diagnosed with MBC, Mark was my biggest work supporter. He was a ranked cornhole player and had cornhole bean bags made in pink with the breast cancer ribbon in my honor. He was working on something else breast cancer related until the unthinkable happened ... he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He texted me late at night the day he found out. We were all devastated. We already had a strong bond but cancer made it stronger. He told me "I knew God put you in my life for a reason". We could talk about things that we couldn't talk to anyone else about, including end of life strategies (when you are stage 4, you'd be stupid not to talk about this). I even experienced my first in-your-face miracle with Mark after our anointment of the sick ceremony. Mark told me then "I told you God is everywhere!".
The gift was put on my desk by his wife at his request just weeks before he passed away on October 29, 2020. I needed to "hear" from him and I did this week. You are correct, Mark. God is everywhere.
This is why my heart is filled with Joy right now. I hope everyone has Joy in their heart!
This is one of my all time favorite jazz/rock bands! This title is appropriate because I am recycling a post from August 2020. Of all my posts, this is my favorite because it is so raw and so personal. It's worth another look.
I belong to Breastcancer.org It is a great resource for all things breast cancer. It is also a great place to connect with other breast cancer patients. I follow a thread for woman with MBC and a topic peaked my interest. What do you wish your friends and family knew about MBC. Here are my thoughts on the subject:
What I want people to know about me and MBC? It's all a façade!
I've been told that by the way I look and the way I sound, unless someone told you I had MBC, you would never know. I am told I am strong, I am brave, I have the best attitude and attitude is everything.
It's only been a year since diagnosis but it feels like forever.
If you peel away the layers you find a woman who has lived a good life and has a great family, one that has made her peace with death and is unafraid. Dig a little deeper, and you find a woman who is pretty matter of fact about the whole cancer thing. It is what it is. Accept and move on. Treatment quit working? Again? What's next? Dig deeper and you find a woman who is now keenly aware of her body; every ache, every pain, slightly swollen ankles, new bumps, old bumps, my liver, my back. Silently keeping track and determining what is worthy of a mention to the PA during weekly visits. Peel another layer and you find a woman who shows up for tests and scans with a bravado that dares the machines to find more growth, new tumors, while silently praying for NED (no evidence of disease), if only for a little while.
Keep peeling, layer after layer, until there are no layers left. And there I will be, still unafraid but somewhat sad:
The happy, stoic, warrior woman? It's all BS. Every now and then, when someone asks how I'm doing, I just want to say "Cancer sucks and it's a crappy thing to live with day in and day out". The reality is that most people can't handle when we are "real".
Cover of Rise Up by Andra Day Mother and son duo; Jordan Rabjohn and Katherine Hallam
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| I do not own the rights to this inspirational saying |
I do not own the rights to this music. If you haven't heard this version, my only question is "what rock have you been living under"? I LOVE this version of this song! Such an inspirational song, one I listen to when I need a little push to keep going.
The title of this post is more a nod to the song and it is somewhat related to what I want to convey, but not as evident as in other titles I've selected to provide a hint of what's to come. Ready?
Everything you wanted to know about breast cancer but are afraid to ask
Sunshine on my Shoulders by John Denver I don't own the rights to this music or this picture
Chicken Dance Song I do not own the rights to this music or the picture below.
I was still dizzy on and off through yesterday. I took one of the "vertigo" pills the doctor prescribed as a shot in the dark. I'm not a fan. Did it help with the dizziness? Yes, but I felt like I was in a fog that carried over to today. But... the fog is not dizziness. I can operate in a fog (it's that post sleeping pill feeling, if you've ever taken a sleeping pill before). Some will say I stay in a fog, hehe!
I've had more energy and appetite than I've had in two weeks. I've done dishes, folded laundry, DROVE TO THE STORE!! I even made cookies. Shut the front door! This gal is out of control! I can see those of you reading this going, "Oh, Pulease! I do these things every day!". You have a point ... except I haven't been able to do these things because the dizziness was so bad.
Before you freak out, I had to pass a test before I was "allowed" to drive. Hubby made me walk up and down our very long hallway without touching walls for balance. I passed. Plus, he thought I was just driving to the little store by the house ... which was my intent. Like many women, I changed my mind and drove all the way to WALMART! What a renegade! I called hubby when I got to Walmart to tell him where I was. I knew it would take me longer to get the few things I wanted and get home than had I gone to the little store. I didn't want him to worry. When I got back, I was so excited about my accomplishment! I felt I had won a marathon. I felt like Rocky!
Although I've hated these past two weeks, I am so happy and so blessed! I will no longer complain about having to do mundane chores. Well, I might for a hot second. And then I will remember what these past two weeks have been like. How miserable I was, how my independence was stripped away. I felt so helpless. It's a horrible feeling.
What's next? I'm not sure. I know I want to try walking with Mike and Sam in the morning. We're playing it by ear. I will definitely be sending a note to my doctor about a dizzy-free day and hopes that it continues during my chemo off week. If it does, I know I can handle this chemo when it starts up again using the little virtigo pill once a day to stave off the dizziness and other strategies to minimize the impact. If it still means no driving during the chemo weeks, I can live with that.
Right now, I feel like a winner!!
Stormy by Classics IV I do not own the rights to this music or the picture below.
Let's start with tumor markers. These suckers are out of control, so much so that we stopped Doxil earlier than we wanted to and moved to Xeloda. For reference, my tumor markers on 8/6 and 8/20 are as follows: CA 27 - 29 692.5 and 834.1 (normal high is 38.6); CA 15-3 322.1 and 410.8 (normal high is 32.4); and CEA 4.7 and 4.5 (normal high is 2.4).Crazy!! I asked Dr. Kocs after the 8/6 results "so what do we do now? Change? Wait?". We changed. Four pills in the morning, and then again 12 hours later. I must take them no later than 30 minutes after eating something.
For the first time in two years, the chemo queen may have met her match! I've lost my lunch 4 times in 14 days (still not bad compared to most, but new for me). The worst thing that has me on the floor is dizziness.
I started the chemo on 8/20; the following Monday I had to beg off on our morning walk with Sam about 1/2 way in. It took everything I had to put one foot in front of the other to get home. I had to sit down 3 -times before I got home, I was so dizzy. I was dizzy on and off all day Monday. I felt better Tuesday AM so off I go with hubby and Sam. Big mistake! I got around our loop and had to beg off again and head home. I had to sit down again about four houses down from mine, I was so dizzy. I haven't walked with hubby and Sam since. I've been dizzy every since, sometimes more so than others, but it is constant. I am now officially a fall risk (don't freak out, Cathy! I am being super careful!).
I moved my doctor appointment up, thinking my electrolytes were being impacted by the new chemo. Blood work was stellar. That's not it. The PA I saw on Thursday told me to lower my dose to 4 and 3. If that didn't help, I could lower it again to 3 and 3. By Saturday, I had lowered it to 3 and 3.
I was silly enough to drive to my doctor's appointment on Thursday afternoon and then again to follow-up MRI appointment. Luckily those were both late in the afternoon where I wasn't AS dizzy and I thought I was invincible. I learned on Friday that my reflexes were a step off. That was the end of my driving for awhile. I only got behind the wheel long enough to move my car from one side of the driveway to the other to make it easier ... and closer ... for me to get in hubby's car. He is now my chauffer.
Last week was a huge challenge trying to work with the dizzy. Focusing can be difficult; writing emails takes longer than it should because I'm having to review and edit more than usual. It has taken me 90 minutes and counting to write this post. Sometimes my speech is impacted, struggling to focus enough to get the words together. It was evident to others that something was amiss. Other times you couldn't tell I am operating in a fog. It's been frustrating.
I met with Rachel on Friday. Blood work is still holding strong. Rachel isn't convinced the new chemo is causing the dizziness, as only 6% of patients experience dizziness on this medicine. She had the nurse do an EKG. She also ordered a CT on my neck and chest ... remember some of my lymph nodes are near other structures and could be causing issues. She also ordered an Echo Cardiogram. Waiting on the insurance to approve the tests so they can schedule. I suspect a visit to a cardiologist may be in my future. Doxil can impact the heart long after you quit taking it. There may even be a visit to an ENT.
The name of the game is to stabilize my weight and I've managed to do that. I try to eat every two hours, even when I am not hungry. Vegetarian is off the table for now as I need to maintain and not lose weight. It's a strange existence. I HATE being dependent on others, but I thank God that Mike is always here for me, sometimes scolding me for trying to do too much. It took me 3 days to fold laundry. Mike would do it for me but I insisted I could do it myself. Silly, right?
Anyway, my focus these days is to how to work through the dizziness, see what works and what doesn't. Rachel prescribed me Vertigo meds, although I don't have vertigo. I haven't tried it yet. One of the side effects is ... wait for it ... dizziness. How stupid is that!!
I am not giving up! I don't want to give up on this treatment because I think it's working. My PET on the 14th should let me know if I'm right or not. Meanwhile, Onward through the Fog! Isn't that from a sign from an old head shop somewhere? Anyway, it fits!!
MRI results are great! Right lobe lesion down 40%. Lower left lobe is barely 1 millimeter. I mention it because we were concerned that they were causing the dizziness. Yay that its not!!
I don not own the rights to this picture.
Get Happy - Sam Smith and Renée Zellweger I don't own the rights to the music or the picture
I started reading some posts on Breastcancer.org today, in particular one I had commented on. There are stories upon stories of women who are angry and who would blame them. Cancer can turn your life upside down .... if you let it. Sadly, many are taking that route.
What disturbed me the most were those that encouraged the anger throughout the cancer fight. Almost praising those that hang onto the anger. In fact, there is a thread where women can continue to vent. It isn't a thread I will visit. For those that read my blog on a regular basis, you intuitively know why.
While I agree that everyone has a right to be angry and mad and sad and a whole host of emotions, I don't agree with staying in that space. Think about it. How do you feel and how does your body feel when you are angry? For me, I feel horrible! Why stay in that space? What purpose does it serve? All it does is throw more negativity into the universe. The last thing I need is that negative energy coming back to me .... and it will.
I had some news last week that rocked my world for a bit. My tumor markers that WERE on their way down decided to change course. They are now higher than ever ... the CA 27-29 numbers now exceed 600 (for context, high normal is 38). I won't say I was angry, but I was very very disappointed .... and sad. It took me a couple of days and digging real deep to find my happy place again. But I DID FIND IT!
Everyday we wake up and have a choice. We can choose happy or we can choose the opposite. Sometimes it takes work to find the happy place. But I assure you, it is ALWAYS worth the effort to choose happy!
Everyone's happy place is different. My go to happy place is a hot bath. But it isn't my only happy place. The tub is where I go when I feel my cancer is misbehaving. I also have several other go-to things that make me happy:
Help Me Faith by the Hope County Choir - I do not own the rights to this music
Faith & Hope
I find this title and artist to be quite appropriate for the message I want to portray ... Faith and Hope! I have been on this metastatic breast cancer journey for almost two years now. Sadly, we've had more downs than ups. Because of my faith and hope, I keep pushing through; we keep pushing through. I say "we" because this disease impacts my entire family: my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my siblings, my nieces and nephews. My "breast cancer" family - you know who you are. Everyone!
For the first time in almost a year, we received decent PET results. In the last 5 scans, we knew instantly that a change in treatment was a must. It wasn't so clear with this one. Just the opposite. We still saw some slight progression and a new bone lesion. But we also saw decreased metabolic activity in lymph nodes, no or minimal change in other lesions, and resolution of an area that caused me pain two months ago (of course, I figured this one out on my own as a week after chemo, I had no more pain). I had Faith and Hope that the new chemo killed or at least injured the lymph nodes causing the pain; the new PET results confirmed my suspicions.
We also got news that tumor markers are on their way down. The last time I mentioned tumor markers in my blog, the CA27-29 levels were over 200; high normal is 38. They doubled in size to over 450. I am happy to report that this number is now at 417. Doesn't seem like an impressive drop, but the levels are finally going down and not up. We will continue to check tumor markers every two weeks to help us gauge how we're doing.
As happy as we are with the results, I have to admit that I haven't been completely forthcoming with just how much my cancer has invaded my body. I have shielded the nitty gritty details from everyone except my immediate family. I guess mainly because I wasn't sure how y'all would handle the reality; it can be a bit overwhelming. The last thing I want or need is for you to pull away because you aren't sure what to do or say. And I certainly do not want pity or sympathy. Let me help you .... just send prayers of hope and keep the faith that I am doing everything possible to live my best life everyday. I plan on being around awhile 😄
Time to come clean. Here are the details in the PET that speak about the areas impacted by my cancer:
Lungs: There has been interval resolution of partial lung collapse seen in the left lung base on the prior exam. No opacities on the current exam. No abnormal radiotracer uptake.Pleura: Interval resolution of pleural effusion seen on the prior exam.
Note: this shows up in every other PET. The chemo kicks it back every time. Hopefully, it will stay gone for a while this time.
Liver: There are a few low-density masses with radiotracer uptake in the liver. Mixed interval change since the prior exam. One lesion is stable. Others show slight increase. Overall appearance suggests progression. Reference lesions: * Segment II mass [4, 82]: 1.9 x 2.3 cm, prior 2.0 x 2.3 cm; SUV max 21.2, prior 16.7. Increased. * Segment IV/V mass [4, 89]: 2.2 x 2.4 cm, prior 2.2 x 2.3 cm; SUV max 14.8, prior 14.0. No change.
Note: I actually have three lesions in my liver. So two show slight increase, while one shows no change; that's a win in my book!
Lymph Nodes: Multiple lymph nodes with radiotracer uptake are seen in the neck, chest, abdomen, and pelvis. This includes jugular and superficial lymph nodes in the left neck. It includes left supraclavicular, bilateral axillary, bilateral subpectoral, pericarinal, bilateral lung hilar, and pericardial distributions in the chest. It includes celiac, portal, portacaval, aortocaval, and para-aortic distributions in the abdomen. It includes bilateral common iliac distributions in the pelvis.
Compared to the prior PET/CT scan, size and activity are either stable, or have decreased moderately. This suggests partial treatment response.
Note: The only one I can feel is the supraclavicular in my neck. The PA and I check this guy regularly to help gauge how the chemo is doing.
Bones and Soft Tissues: Multiple foci of increased uptake are seen in the skeleton. These are seen in cervical thoracic and lumbar spine, left scapula, multiple bilateral ribs, sacrum, left posterior acetabulum, left ischium, and bilateral femurs. The larger foci have associated lucency on CT. These are consistent with osseous metastases. There has been mixed interval change compared to the prior exam. A few lesions have improved. More have increased. There are a new lesion (left mid iliac bone). Overall appearance suggests progression.
Note: I am getting an infusion of Zometa with my chemo to help the bones stay strong and avoid fracture. Hoping more will show decreased activity next PET.
Summary:
1. Partial treatment response in lymph node metastases.
2. Mixed interval change in hepatic metastases. Overall appearance suggests slight progression.
3. Mixed interval change in osseous metastases. Overall appearance indicates progression.
4. Improvement in left-sided hydronephrosis. My kidney pain from last PET
5. Resolution of left-sided pleural effusion and resolution of partial left lower lobe lung collapse.
Brain: I have two lesions in my brain; one right front lobe and one back left lobe. We radiated them a few months ago and my follow-up MRI showed a 20% decrease. I should have another MRI in August to check on progress.
A bit overwhelming when you see it altogether, right? Especially the lymph nodes ... they're everywhere!! Anyway, this is my life. And I'm okay.
Through it all, I continue to have faith and hope that things will get better. My message to all it to never give up, never quit fighting. Continue to have faith and hope; without faith and hope, you have nothing. Find the rainbows in the storm ... they are there if you look.
One final note. The chemo queen still reigns. No side effects on Doxil. I'm not sure if it is because of the advancements in the chemo or my body just handles toxins well. Regardless, I know many who suffer horribly from nausea, neuropathy, peeling hands and feet, mouth sores, etc. I've managed to dodge all those bullets so far. I count my blessings every day that I remain free of side effects.
Changes by David Bowie I do not own the rights to this music
Yep, changes are coming! First, a little background. The PET was horrible (previous post), add out of control tumor markers (CA 27-29 was 252, high normal is 38), constant pain in my left side (see PET and the piece where it talks about my kidney on the left side). Yeah, it's been fun. I started Doxil on 5/28. My husband insisted I be a couch potato through Memorial Day. I took him up on it. Between hubby and my son, they kept up with dishes and laundry, then fed me to boot. I binge watched the Great British Baking Competition. A good time was had by all.
Mike and I met with Dr. Kocs on Friday. He confirmed the pain is cancer related, a first for me in this journey so far. I should count my blessings that I haven't experienced this sooner. The good news? What?! There's good news in here? Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus! The pain over the weekend was pretty bad; it hurt to walk (not cry hurt, but it caused me to wince .... a lot). Fast forward one week and the pain is much better. It still hurts, it's still constant, but getting less every day. As of this writing, it is more of an annoyance than anything else. Is the new chemo working already? I need hope, so I choose to believe it is!
What else did the good Dr. have to say? Well, hubby and I had an ongoing "discussion" about me taking it easy vs full steam ahead. Hubby wants me to slow down; I'm afraid if I stop moving, I won't be able to move at all. Turns out, we're both right. My stamina has taken a huge hit with all the rain and the pain in my side keeping me from walking the dog every day. I hate to admit that. I am slow and I struggle to keep up with hubby and Sam. It doesn't take long. Dr. Kocs agrees I need to work to keep my core strong, my stamina up; keep moving and do the things I enjoy .... in moderation. He also agreed that I need to take it easy. No more do dishes, start laundry, vacuum, cook, rinse and repeat, without frequent breaks in between activities. I need to learn my new normal. Do whatever for 20 minutes, rest for 30 or so before I am on to the next thing. If I don't I will pay the price.
I played with my granddaughter this weekend, first time in over a year. Three hours later she was heading home and I was taking a nap .... for 3 hours. She wore my butt out. We had fun, though. She is too cute!
Dr. Kocs also told us I should be around in December (my retirement eligibility), but obviously, so much can go wrong so fast, there are no guarantees. We still have a lot of tools in the shed - conventional chemos, genetic therapy, immunotherapy ... and clinical trials. This is the first time he has mentioned clinical trials. I'm told there are several in the area, so I'm there when the time comes.
More good news! I was preparing to schedule my annual Reclast infusion for my osteoporosis. Instead, Dr. Kocs is adding Zometa to my treatment to strengthen my bones. This is because of the bone mets found on the last pet and the new ones on this one. We need to guard against fracture. So ... when I get my Doxil every month, I also get Zometa, so much more that my annual Reclast infusion. Three cheers for strong bones!! My first infusion will be on 6/25. Can't wait! This new protocol takes at least 3 hours:
Don't You Worry Bout A Thing by Stevie Wonder
Wow! Where do I start? So much has gone on over the past few weeks. Rising tumor markers one cycle, then one up, one down the next; iron pills that did a job on my body, so much so I was miserable, in pain, and completely out of whack for two weeks ... I'm still working on getting back to normal; I lost five pounds in the process, to the point the doctors are a bit concerned (don't worry, I still have five to ten to go before we need to break out the steroids that make me want to eat everything in site).
What's causing all this drama in my body? My cancer. Aggressive little cuss, trying to have its way with me. I've hurt in one place or another for the past month. Nothing real bad, but bad enough that it impacts my stamina, my energy level, my mood. Once the pain goes away, I have instant energy and I'm ready to go. But I hate taking Advil or Tylenol every day. Hate it! My body is not a fan either. I will be testing out various CBD oil doses this weekend to see what works best as a better alternative.
So ... what's hurting? My constant companion these days is my lower back. I don't handle constant well. I've also had bouts of arthritis in my hands, my wrist, my feet. That typically lasts a day or so, but again its an annoyance when its happening. My left kidney is swollen due to progression in my lymph nodes and causing discomfort. This too will pass. I still consider myself very lucky. I have it so much easier than most cancer patients.
We moved the PET up from 6/5 to 5/21. That was a brutal day. To squeeze the PET in, I had to do chemo in the morning, then the PET in the afternoon. I left the house at 8 and didn't get home until 4. Long, long day. I was HANGRY by the time I got home, as I was not allowed anything but water after I got up. Luckily, I had a roasted chicken and veggies waiting for me when I got home. Yummy!!
So ... what did the PET have to say? Nothing good, I assure you. I was not expecting great news, but this was the worse result we've had to date. Almost everything has progressed, New lesions in my bones; the ball joint on my left hip and a spot on my lower back. My left kidney is swollen because the lymph nodes around it are getting larger, trapping fluid in that kidney. The writeup was two pages long .... TWO! Fun, right? Worrisome is a term the radiologist used. Ya think?! Sigh. Here is the summary:
PET/CT Impression:
Spinning Wheel by Blood, Sweat, and Tears I do not own the rights to this music
The first verse of this song says it all. "What goes up, must come down". Sadly, my tumor markers are ignoring this rule of gravity. They are going in the opposite direction:
To be fair, these bad boys HAVE been in normal range in the past, but as you can see, it's been a roller coaster for the past few months. What is really frustrating is that my liver enzymes and other blood work is fine. Can I just say that CANCER SUCKS!!
Okay, got that out of the way. So what now? Well, we test tumor markers again when I go in for chemo on 5/14. If they are still on the rise, we move up the PET, currently scheduled for 6/5, to the week of 5/17. Texas Oncology has proven they can move quickly on getting scans approved and scheduled when necessary.
If the PET proves what I suspect, that Abraxane has quit working, then we go for treatment #6 in less than 20 months. We already know the next treatment in line is an infusion done once a month. This tells me this one is a bad mother and may be the one treatment that will test the self-proclaimed chemo queen.
BRING. IT. ON!! I know people who have had treatments that probably make this one look like a picnic, so who am I to complain. They've all come out the other side, thinner maybe but alive and kicking. This is why I always do chemo on Friday .... so I have the weekend to recoup if I succumb to any side effects. As most of you know, I've dodged that bullet for over 18 months. Maybe my grace has run out? Or not! We shall see.
Anyway, the next two weeks are going to be interesting and hopefully fast paced. I don't want any dilly dallying around. The cancer is not going to take a vacation why we decide next steps, so let's get a move on!
Time to kick some cancer ass!
Watch this space ...
Happy By Pharrell Williams I do not own the rights to this music.
I got all kinds of looks from patients and staff alike waiting for Rachel. Most smiled and gave me a thumbs up or did a dance step or two after they passed by. Others ignored me altogether. That's okay. I don't dance during chemo for everyone else. I do it for me. The mind, body, spirit thing. It makes me happy! I told Rachel to check and see if we can have a chemo time dedicated to those that want to dance during chemo ... once a week or even once a month. It puts everyone in a good mood, plus I get in some exercise. I told her it would too much fun if they put up a disco ball and played some great dance music where all in the room can hear and we are all dancing to the same thing. We can ROCK the place!! Doubt it will happen, but the answer will always be "No" if you don't ask, right?
Note: I know chemo dancing is not for everyone. There are some patients too sick to participant. But it does put a smile on their faces when I dance.
What do I dance to? I think the selections will surprise you (keep in mind, I am almost 65). Here are a few of my favorites:
Stay the Course by Iration I do not own the rights to this music.
This song has a reggae vibe and definitely worth a listen. The video features a sea turtle. Who doesn't like sea turtles? Another cool find while looking for an appropriate blog title. Check it out.
Mike and I met with Dr. Kocs today. We had a whole list of questions. But, true to form, Dr, Kocs answered most of them before we could ask. Our opening dialogue is true Bishop/Kocs banter.
Me: How do you like the new system?
Kocs: I hate it! Can't you tell? I have less hair!
Me: Well, I have you beat. I have a nice round bald spot where they radiated one of the brain mets. For the rest of it, I was shedding like crazy, so Mike buzzed it off this weekend. I now have less hair than you for a change. I am blaming it on the radiation.
Kocs: Yes, let's blame it on the radiation!
We have fun.
Anyway, as you know we have mixed results from the PET. Some tumors can take longer than others to be impacted by the chemo. Some may have mutated and are a bit more resistant. I asked if we needed to biopsy some of these resistant suckers and see if any of the cancer characteristics have changed. That may be something we consider down the road if tumor markers, liver enzymes, and other tumors seem to be getting better but some tumors continue to progress for some unknown reason. Bottom line, we won't rule it out.
I also asked why radiologists change the descriptions of the tumors they are reporting on. One of my pet peeves when reading PET results. How can I keep an accurate spreadsheet to compare results from one PET to another if they keep changing the description? That's code for "I can't project manage this cancer with bad or incomplete data"! I think I am going to blow up a picture of the lymph system and go back to all my PETS and mark the ones mentioned in the various scans. I bet I become a lymph system expert before we are done, as far as where the various nodes are located and their scientific names. Maybe that will help me decipher the PET results.
We talked about the possible mets on the bones. He isn't convinced we have mets on the bones. Could we radiate the possible mets on the L1? We watch to see if there really is an issue on the L1; if we see a risk of fracture, high pain, or other issues caused by the cancer on the L1, then we can radiate it. The goal is to make sure I am comfortable, pain free, and prolong my life as long as possible. Dr. Kocs reiterated we still have lots of tools in our toolbox, including Piqray.
The final question is can I travel to help Matthew drive Sadie home, then go back to help nurse him to health when he has oral surgery on 6/14. Dr. Kocs says yes I can travel since we all have our vaccines, but the traveling could wear me out (I've made the 2-days each way round trip before; rough, but doable. I'll be fine). If we need to, I can send Mike back to nurse Matthew back to health on 6/14 if my cancer is misbehaving. I hope it isn't!
So ... what's the final verdict on treatment plan? We "Stay the Course"; continue with Abraxane. Abraxane has proven to be 48% effective in killing cancer cells. We have seen evidence of that ... just not across the board yet. Hoping that, between my diet and the Abraxane, we kick some of that cancer to the curb! We will be checking tumor markets every two weeks (did I tell you they are heading down after going up two months in a row?). Let's give Abraxane a little more time to do its magic. If we notice that tumor markers are heading up, then we move up the PET, see what's going on, and possibly move on to Plan F.
Fingers crossed Abraxane does it stuff!
Friday is chemo aka "Get Your Groove On" day for the self proclaimed dancing Chemo Queen. Now that it's warmer, I can wear my Chemo Queen t-shirt (Thank you Ms Jay!), my black leggings, and my latest dancing shoes! Are these not too cute?!!
Meanwhile, in celebration of my lifestyle change, I've decided to post a recipe of one of the dishes I really, really like at the end of each blog. That by itself should keep you coming back for more 😍
First up, my new vegetable casserole. It is really, really good!
Tomato Vegetable Casserole Recipe | Giada De Laurentiis | Food Network
https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/tomato-vegetable-casserole-recipe-1914994 Total: 55 min Prep: 15 min Cook: 40 min Yield: 6 servings
One Day You Will by Lady Antebellum - I do not own the rights to this music.
This is a song of hope. Facing dark times, knowing better days are ahead. This is what I hang on to. This is what I fight for ... better days ahead.
PET results are in. Whee! Once again, we have mixed results. It isn't good, but it isn't all bad. Here is a summary:
Rise by Katie Perry I do not own the rights to this music.
This song is perfect for where I am in my life right now. Although things are not exactly looking rosy, I am committed to take charge of my destiny and "Rise" to the occasion. Take a listen if you are so inclined.
Brief update on the cancer front. One tumor marker heading down, one heading up. I just have to shake my head ... "Whatever"! Liver enzymes are good, other blood work is good. This Friday is the last chemo session of the cycle. PET scheduled for 4/7, review results and next steps with Dr. Kocs on 4/14, follow-up MRI on 4/19, then the appointment to go over results with Dr. Cohen on 4/21. I am not expecting great news on the PET front, anticipating a change in treatment protocols (hello #6). I am hoping we get the all clear on the MRI. I will NOT be happy if more brain invaders show up. Not that I won't deal with whatever comes ... I will ... I just won't be happy about it.
Okay, enough of the Debbie Downer cancer crap! Let's chat about what keeps me excited these days! I AM TAKING CHARGE!!
If you read my last post, you know that I decided that if God is doing his/her part in watching over me, the least I can do is make life changes to help myself. I started these life changes on Monday. And I remain excited!
I started a 7-day Alkaline Detox, with the intent of following up another three weeks on the 21-/Day Alkaline Diet Plan by Laura Rimmer. First, I bailed after five days on the detox. I am still eating the smoothies and soups included in the Detox, just not in the order provided. For example, I have no desire to make and eat Carrot and Lemongrass soup. I will stick to the leek/fennel root soup and the lentil soup I made earlier. Both are delicious! I also have no desire to ingest a coconut and turmeric smoothie. Instead, I will sub for the Kale/Orange smoothie and the Chlorophyll Zinger. Technically, I am still on the detox through the weekend.
To date, my favorites for the detox include:
Note on the Chlorophyll Zinger: This smoothie detoxes the liver and the blood cells. My cancer is considered "blood borne", plus I have three lesions on my liver, so this is one I will definitely repeat every week if not twice a week.
I am already noticing a difference. I have not aged well and I look at least 10 if not 15 years older than I am. Five days into this detox and I already look younger. My body is more hydrated from the fresh fruits, veggies, and alkaline water. In just 5 days!! I keep this up and any future face lift is off the table!
This is the perfect time of the year to start on this new life style change. The farmer's markets are full of wonderful fresh fruits and vegetables. Although my husband is not going vegetarian, he is committed to eliminating processed foods from his diet and using fresh whenever possible. What does this mean for the Bishop house? So much fresh produce that we needed to rearrange our kitchen a bit to accommodate our latest haul from the farmer's market. Our kitchen island was overrun with fruits and veggies. So we created a fruit/vegetable bar in the kitchen, complete with our new food processor, our new blender, and four baskets of fruits and veggies we need for the week. We still have a bowl for apples, pears, and bananas on the island. Going forward, our "grocery shopping" for the week really means a couple of trips to Eli's for more fresh stuff.
I have also stocked up on vegan/vegetarian staples: lentils, the seeds (flax, chia, hemp), the coconut and almond milk, the coconut and alkaline water, agave, pure maple, Tahini, and spelt flour. I have a new vegetarian cookbook scheduled for delivery on Monday. Meanwhile, I am planning on eating the rest of my detox soups this week, plus cooking a couple of vegetarian dishes: Chiles Rellenos with Black Beans (hubby will eat this with me) plus I am going to try roasted sweet potatoes with Miso, ginger, and scallions, then roasted cauliflower, some interesting stuff with brussels sprouts for snack, and more.
Now this may not seem like a big deal to anyone, but I assure you, my family is in shock! I do not cook. Correction ... I DID not cook; I do now. I am cooking almost every day ... and enjoying it, much to my surprise! I look forward to finding and trying new recipes every week. I am also looking forward to experimenting with vegan desserts that will satisfy my sweet cravings.
I am very blessed! I am excited about the path I am on. Why don't you join me?
